someone's gonna get hurt

i don't know , i don't know , i don't know . i don't want to say what i'm feeling inside , but it's certainly burning in me . i feel useless , not of value anymore . somebody , just somebody , come and kill me and maybe every pain will cease . this is what i want , but this is not what i expect . i guess it's not to be , and i'm just moving on quietly , hoping you don't realise it ; i am starting to try , to live a life where you don't fill my thoughts all day , to live a life where i think about other things that matter more . maybe yeah , maybe it's just me . time has come , and gone .

i'm not being emotional or what , but i just feel like venting the burns in my heart , so that i'll feel better , I guess . don’t have to ask if I’m alright , I’m perfectly fine

daily prayer : Father , i pray that You will teach me how to prioritise wisely and put things that are important way above others . i pray for forgiveness and mercy Lord , for i've let You down . i pray for your presence to be around , as i learn to be more like You , all these through Jesus name , amen C:

- the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon , but that we wait so long to begin it

crap happens

weather these days have been hot and cold , and it has been like this for some moods as well /: monday has never been like this , michelle cheong is pissing as usual , mr ang is getting better and better and yeah life is like zxomg , zooming off into next week and the week after , i will be dead meat . exams are nearing , need to step up in revision ! ):

met up with the king of the jungle today , kinda fun (: had fruits together and yeah crazy time with the photos , heh :P

i feel lousy at times , because things just ain't going the way i expect it to go , when will it ever end ? /:

sometimes stuff like these happen , but it might be of a disguise , you'd never know . all you do for your part is to pick yourself up and get running again . i've been through this and yeah i know how it feels . it hurts seeing you like this , and i wanna help you back up again . you two are like the stars in my sky and even if you guys ain't friends , must be friends with me okay ? (:

- It isn't always about love

heck-teek

okay i won't be blogging these days , until say . . . after exams ? ): i will miss blogging , but exams are just way more priority to being online , sorry ! I Must admit that exams have never been so important ,

not even psle made me this anxious -.-" will miss you guys ! hee :D

BOONKIAT 8)

to cherish shows something

today was a special sunday , fellowship was awesome , with the zone and the cell (; woke up willingly today , surprisingly :P had family breakfast at the usual place , before heading for service (:

pastor kong preached today , and man it was good ! i feel that God is testing me , he's bring me out to bring me in , his testing my stamina in this close walk with him , now is the period i have to stay in Christ , faithfully . i have to go through this , not by hook or by crook of course , but with god right by my side . praise and worship was good as well , lovin' veery moment at church today :D rushed to the bus after service and we went IKEA :D had meatballs with hansheng , angeline , wilson , andrew and jonathan (: it's superb (; decided to play pool at yio chu kang after that .

had lotsa' fun at the club , though i suck at pool , i scored some cool ones , which always gives the cool feel (; heheh had a great fellowship as well , but got thrashed by mum to be back home . family gathering wasn't so lively , without aunt jacelyn and her kids around /: and liverpool lost by a goal tonight , i'm super moody about it . argh that's all for tonight , there's school tomorrow , and i've set myself 30 study hours , over 6 days , i am gonna achieve it no matter what ! i can't wait to end this torment , but i want to finish it with hardwork paid off , and i see it happening if i work hard enough .

i will treasure you more than ever before , because I found out how much you meant to me while I was missing you ~

daily prayer : O God , thank You thank You thank You for everything and everyone You've placed in my life , i will learn to cherish and adore them as much as i can from now on . continue to show me what You have in line for me Father , and i pray for security in You . all these through Jesus' name , amen C:

- I found out that being myself and spending time with myself is two different things

not many get it

i thank God for everything in my life , i might not be the richest of person nor do i lead a luxurious life , but my life had all that's needed to smile through a day . God . BEST FRIENDS . friends . family . even more friends . jokes . laughter .

skipped trevor today , didn't get his work done and yeah mum woke me at 9am , while i was still half dead . had breakfast , then it was slack time all the way until afternoon . got back my beloved game device , and yeah mum rocks hardcore (: she's so nice to me , ever since she came to know Christ , thank God for moving in her :D

dad sent me to angeline's place , and yeah had good fellowship time before cell started , late . but as usual , it was a great meeting , God was once again doing His work of magic , inspiring hearts . i shared offering message this time round , and i hope it didn't go as bad as i thought ? heh x: headed for crab party for jacq's farewell party after that (; it was a great time , with angeline getting so excited on the crab , along with cheryl on the sauce , hahahah (: Ohh and leila's like going around to promote her own ' save the dolphins ' campaign , super funny and cute ! (: (: had a great time before heading home with the ever-amazing wilson (; it's always nice to be around him , heheheh

i can't wait for tomorrow , it will be exciting , IKEAAAAAAAAA :D heehee that's all for today , love you all readers of my blog , (:

daily prayer : Father , bring me back to the place where i belong , in the family under You , and i continue to pray for directions and wisdom in whatever i do and face , all these through Jesus' name , amen C:

- It matters not what someone is born , but what they grow up to be

priceless

okay , i'm making a statement here : i have patched things up with bernard , and vevien . i feel really bad , and although they have done wrong , i was taught and told to manage my friendships well . i thank God for these two , because they allow me to see friendship in a whole new dimension , where i'm able to just chill and enjoy .

today started in a foul manner , i got kicked in the chest while playing against 1E , and gosh it hurts , badly ): lost 1-0 , and it was very undeserving . home econs was as usual , slack ;P recess was spoilt by rain , argh . maths was okay , ms cheong wasn't that lousy today . english was hard , with the project and writing etc. chinese was chaotic , got scolded for laughing too hard , and oh well , mrs gan is kinda pissed with us i guess x: school ended in a zoom , which means the kick start of fun friday ;D

rushed home to get my getting started book as i forgot to bring it out . ended up being late for the grown ups movie meeting , but though nicolette and i only went in 10 minutes after the showing time , we had a hard time laughing because adam sandler and gang is just really really funny :D hahah i really enjoyed myself ! had late lunch at koufu after that , and bible study (: 3 more lessons till being finished ! yipees :D and here came the scary part , not gonna say it today , lest eileen knows it :P gonna share it during testimony tomorrow , i truly believed God was there to shield me , and i thank Him (: had a good dinner with bernard and vevien , and yeah they calmed my traumatized character , thanks babes ! :D heheheh had a super fun time with them , proving that vevien didn't know all and that cool people are above 5 foot ;P

had some dishes at home , and i'm gonna rush math again tonight . that's all folks . trevor in the morning tomorrow ! ): gonna share offering message in cell group tomorrow , heh :D i need to mug ! jiayous boonkiat !

daily prayer : God thank You thank You thank You for bringing me through that moment today , i pray that i'll be able to feel You more , and i pray for guidance and directions , all through Jesus' name , amen C:

- all it takes is some initiative

God's grace in me

okay , i've finally made peace with friends that i fell out with , and resolve my conflicts , i was kinda inspired to clean up everything last night , so yeah , i'm not sure how it'll turn out to be , i guess i'll just leave it till after end-of-year papers . i feel good that i've made peace , and leila told me it was God's grace in me , and i feel that there's so much more for me to learn , so much more for me to explore .

today was a aching day , and i think i'm gonna crumble to it , i need training to resume asap , i need to stay fit /: literature , then chinese . mrs gan called me to ' gnd ' , when i replied little india after she asked where would be busy selling mooncakes :P she so easy petty , no fun ): recess was really all about getting roasted under the sun . dnt was okay , work piece got stolen ): biology was sleepy , and music reading , retarded -.-"

lunch with jun han , aric and jerald , then soccer . went to pass up my papers to trevor after that , and jun han has joined my tuition , it's gonna be fun ;P went home after that , had a super cool mooncake that had golden powdery kinda stuff that would stay on hands ! super nice :D and dinner was crazy , super filling . watched jaws 2 , super nice (; heehee i thank God for everything i have today , and i pray that i'd be able to share a good message on saturday ! (: sorry , i don't have much today , feeling really good , lazy to type :~ hahah

i'm not gonna lose you , never again , i promise ~

daily prayer : God , mercy on me for what happened , i'm trying hard to change , and i pray You'll see that happen in me . thank You for giving me initiative to offer peace and resolve conflicts . i pray you'd give me strength to stay awake , wisdom , and directions . all these through Jesus' name , amen (:

- So now , all alone or not , you gotta walk ahead . Thing to remember is if we're all alone then we're all together in that too

face got the better of me

sorry for no blog post for the past 2 days , was really busy , tired and having lotsa' high times , causing me to have not enough time to sit down in front of the computer and type out what has been on . alright here's a quick summary about what happened :

monday - start of school . tiring . went for lunch with rudi after school . bought muscle tees . home . dinner was awesome . sleeeeeeeeep

tuesday - history ; chem ; recess ; chinese ; art ; maths . ms cheong went retard again , throwing her temper on us . art is getting crazy as well , super hard , gotta paint a photo -.-" shucks . went benji house after school . study awhile . xbox with jo and benji . fun . home . tired . sleeeeeep !

that's how life has been for the past 2 days , tired + tired + tired ): today has been inspiring , and i think i get inspired easily , not too sure if it's good or bad , heh x: lessons were good , math test was kinda hard though /: CME has kinda waken me up , rudely . i wanna go 3S1 , because 3SB has now become kinda unrealistic . 3S1 offers additional math , which i feel with trevor's help , will help in the future . but i need at least 64% , and i've only got like i don't know , 50+% ? D: i know i can do it , but i've gotta increase my revision speed . i need to maintain my math and english , let my home econs stay at a2 , start ace-ing my history and science , and just do well on the overall . that's all i have to do now , and i will have a good life at upper sec , i hope . all this requirements have made me realise that a good life has to be earned .

decided to go hockey after school , and yeah it was productive . i need to get better , to keep my place in the team next year . rushed for tuition after dinner on takeaway , and man it was a waste of time ): gonna have a late night tonight , need to hand trevor my paper tomorrow , and jun han's joining in ! :D heheheh hope he improves !

okay , i seriously don't know what holds for us , in the future or whatsoever . i want you back , i really miss everything related with you . i have nothing to say and i can't do much , because i caused things to fall out of place . that 1% of love i talked about a few posts back , it will never die . i will hold on to it forever .

daily prayer : God , i can feel you trying to do something major in me . i have never felt like this . maybe life has started to get more serious , thus i've gotten more matured while facing these kinda stuff . i'm sorry for not accepting his friendship offer , but i'm not strong enough yet , not strong enough to go back to what it used to be . please grant me strength , and wisdom to see things like You . pray for your guidance and directions , all through Jesus' name , amen C:

- Follow Your Heart , Even If Your Mind Asks You To Give Up

things you only get once

it has been a super funny sunday , pastor phil pringle , the cracker that never fails to live me up . ever since i first saw him at asia conference last may , he left a very good impression on me . his sermons are cool , with loads of jokes added in (; heehee it makes service so fun , so humourous :D

today started nicely , with yuan joining me and my family for breakfast , and i think my family's got a bad reputation , because yuan keeps laughing at dad and bro , and only he knows the reason why ;P hahahah was suppose to get a cake , but it was so chapalang , so we threw it away , and got a donut instead . but , andre and gladys didn't turn up , and oh well the gifts weren't of use either ): enjoyed service very much , but was hungry and tired , which was very miserable /: leila talked to me and aric for awhile after service , and yeah i think my love for the cell group , for the zone and for the church is still shallow , i wanna create a bond with city harvest , and love it and protect it with all i have (; she talked about friendships as well , it ain't so easy man , i just got over it , and exams are coming , i have no time for this , and i don't deserve this .

lost my wallet and THANK YOU WILFREDO for helping me find my wallet ! i dropped it while talking to leila . oh and she said that she's my grandmother , and that kenneth is my father , and angeline's my mum , :P this family is kinda epic if it's real man , HAHAHAH had lunch at changi terminal 1 , with lotsa' great people (N441 + W543) (: had a great time and gladys came , and we celebrated her birthday :D heheh wilson treated us a cab ride down to damon's competition venue . got him a chocolate , and yeah i think he's good in swimming ;D heheheh everyone went back as we were too tired , whereas i had a wedding dinner at fairmount .

the dinner was lousy , and the service was equally bad as well -.-" sheesh i thought it was one of the worst i've been to . rushed home after that , to watch the reds draw blank against birmingham , and that wrote my night off , lousily . that's all for tonight .

i still have lots to change , and i will continue to learn more and more , such that i become better and better . apologies again for today , x: i really want to get better and better , and i'll have a lot to do to achieve that i guess !

- Determination Differentiates Success From Failure

i need a time machine

i've been so lazy these days , to blog and to do whatever ~ today was a typical saturday , tuition , slack , cell group , dinner , home .

trevor in the morning was never the best way to start my saturdays , but i've been doing it for the past months already , a few more weeks and i'll have it off my shoulder for awhile . went home straight after that , feeling really tired . holidays are coming to an end , it's like it didn't even start . i guess life is like this huh ? when you want it fast , it's so slow , when you want it slow , it's faster than a bullet train /:

slacked at home with siblings , and yeah time passed like nobody's business . skipped the dinner grandma left for me , was late for cell group at angeline's ! D: met hansheng and wilson on coincidence at serangoon mrt , so cool (: heheh cell meeting was great , met gladys for the first time (: i'm gonna be doing offering message next week , i think x: heehee this time , no revelation on mrt already , i'm gonna do on accounts of people (; dinner at macs , but i only had an ice-cream cone , not in the mood to eat . saw cheryl , eileen and nicolette go off , before wilson and i parted ways with hansheng and left for home . reached home late , but mum didn't scold me , so blessed (:

i think sometimes i do bring things a 'lil overboard , and yeah i've gotta change . i don't need to run my mouth , my jokes will do the talking ;P hahah sorry if i offended you today , will change asap ! ohh and it's 9/11 today , i feel scared everytime i see the building in flames , because i don't like terror ):

attending service tomorrow , definitely . yuan's coming also , yaay :D i'm inspired by today's sermon , it's always about the journey , and the journey shapes a man's heart . i want a exciting journey , and though it might be tough , it's all worth (; just like my hockey dream season this year , i will never forget this , though it wasn't anything major . i wanna be happy , and successful , and i have the potential to do it !

daily prayer : O God , thanks for the inspiration i get week in week out from nicolette and her beautiful sermons . i believe this is You answering my prayers for inspiration to be injected into my life , and i'll live by faith more and more as each day passes , i know i will . thanks for everything , all through Jesus' name , amen C:

- it's the belief that allows you to do things successfully

a scent i won't forget

today was a good day , a day where cheryl went high , on a day where i was really bored until i met her and hansheng .

day started brightly , with family breakfast , at chinatown . there was some miscommunications between mum and bro , causing him to buy glutinous rice that was too sweet , hahah had laksa , and yeah a good time is always when you're with your family . mum's been good to me , bro and sis has been the best sibs recently , and dad , as usual , just being his ownself , like panda :P heheheh luckily they don't read my blog , or else i think i'll suffer if they see it x:

was lazing at home after that , until cheryl texted and say wanna go eat fried mushrooms at cathay , so i decided to skip khalsa's training and go fellowship with her , since it has been so long since i fellowshipped with my lively connect group leader , heh (: was just watching time go by when she suddenly called and say wanna watch grown ups . agreed to go , since it gave me a reason to leave house earlier , but it was cancelled , just before i was about to step out of the house , with my bag on , and shoes on /:

decided to watch jaws then , since i borrowed from yong hao . it was a nice movie , very thrilling (; left house after that 2-hour long movie , and yeah reached in time to meet cheryl , and i think for the first time , i'm not late :P had sushi instead of fried mushroom , and yeah it was great :D with hansheng joining us shortly after , it was even better (: had a filling meal , and we headed for comics connection , plaza singapura to search for some stuff (; it was really fun there , especially with cheryl going high with the slightest of stuff , like taeyeon's face , disney cards , and stuffed toys ;P had a crazy time taking photos before walking other places to find other stuff .

daiso . some japanese gift shop . girls . sasa . we had a high time there ! cheryl sprayed perfume on me to smell , and of all perfumes , she sprayed one that smelled duber auntie-ish -.-" hahahah and last destination , marks and spencer . i think we three will have a deep memory of this shop for time to come , we had a blast there , with cheryl always picking stuff that makes people cry , hahah pig tails and piglets , which will you choose ? :P she bought so much chocolates ! hansheng also bought some tidbits , and a box of mints , because he wants the box for coin pouch , hahah he's super funny .

dinner . psp . slack . and that's all for tonight . thak God for people like cheryl and hansheng , for they really go the extra mile , even though they don't get credited . the willingness to serve God , it's written on them . love them so much :D i won't forget these two , not for a long time to come .

btw , to all my muslim buddies , Selamat Hari Raya (: thanks for being the ones who make me feel home in school , esp. Rudi :D heehee have a good one buds ! (;

daily prayer : God , thank You for placing Cheryl and Hansheng in my life , i really feel inspired by them . i pray to be more like them , to be able to learn from them , and just be like them . thank you for the others as well , thanks for all your blessing , through Jesus' most precious name , amen C:

- Happiness Lies Within

P.s Sorry for the fonts , thought it was casual and nice (:

by a thread

i don't know what's wrong with me , i want to give it up , but it's dear to me , this friendship , it's in my heart by nature . i don't give up on things i built my time on , and what's more , on things i find happiness in .

amid all those hatred , is the 1% of love that's still remaining in this friendship . that's what motivates me to hang on to this , to build on that single per cent and fill it up . i'm secretly waiting , and although it seems unlikely that what i'm waiting for will occur , i'm still trying . it beats not trying and regret . i'd rather try and fail and know that i've put in my best , because that gives me a satisfied feel , at least .

i don't wanna say much , but just to let you know , my phone is on anytime if you wanna text me , and i will accept anything you type / say / write with a smile , because we were all smiles back then . I won't boast about the past , because i'm looking to the future , and you hold the remote to this , it's your choice . i am still secretly waiting though , even though it's kinda not a secret anymore .

With Sincerity ,

Boonkiat

drawing blanks

man i'm super duper shagged from sportsmania , my hand is in pain , and there's IPW project over at yong hao's place tomorrow , meeting 9am at yio chu kang , so far /:

today went well , though the rain didn't gave chance , we had our piece of fun at the sapphire pavilion . met andre , yuan and rudi as we travelled to harbourfront together , meeting damon en route . waited for queen cheryl while she came and we headed off to siloso beach , with $3 chopped off from my poor Ez-link card , but it was really worth . the rain made our tram ride super uneasy , but with two caucasians being so nice , heheh (: finally saw ms nicolette , and yeah sports started shortly after , when we changed up . had captains ball , super fun , but tiring /: heheh beach soccer , charging waves and beach volleyball were really amazing too (: jerald and jeremy joined us later on . nicolette was a really nice audience to my crap , and really glad that she enjoys them ! so motivated to go the extra mile , because it brings joy to see her laugh like that :P hahahah and nicolette , i cropped you out because you had a nicer handbag ! ;D

bathed , changed up and headed for burger king , harbourfront (; had a quick meal with the crazy dude rudi and jeremy (: rushed home for tuition and yeah i think my teacher saw something unpleasant , but he doesn't wanna reveal it to the class ! -.-" jt got me an ed hardy shirt , super nice of him ;D heheh that's all for today , tomorrow's gonna be very happening , yong's place till afternoon , science make-up lesson and maybe crab with leila ! (: can't wait !

i wasn't told that it was gonna be like this . nobody saw what her habits were like . but now it's in the light , i can safely say . i didn't even observe that as well , maybe i was just too obsessed with her and the adventures we had . so many came but so many left . that's what i saw , after someone told me to . she had many guys around her fingers and twirled it freely . i'm lucky to have broken free of it , or else i'll still be stuck in the time frame of playfulness , and not achieving the A's i'm getting . i don't know about you best friend , i've had my experience on this and i regretted it , maybe yours will turn out fine , but look at how many has come to hate her , at least 5 man , at least 5 . i'm not pointing at anything , just putting the voices in my head on literate .

i love nicolette , cheryl , hansheng , wilson and all the other great great noble figures and i miss eileen , and the mega-epic angeline ! i seriously can't live without them

daily prayer : O God , all i seek is a discipline attitude which fears You and seeks after You every second . all i need is that and the others can wait . grant me these God , i pray i pray i pray ! all through Jesus' most precious name , amen C

- Smile through your heart

the way it should be

life has been very naughty , it hasn't been as ideal as expected . this is so not my life , and i want my life back , as soon as possible .

my way of life goes like this :

1. Most Importantly , A Happy Life

2. A Mega Close Walk With God

3. A Loving Family That Supports Your Every Action

4. Filled With Awesome Friends , Really Really Awesome Friends Who Are 24/7 Reliable

5. A Good Job In The Market Place , A Loving Girlfriend / Wife And An Awesome Bunch Of Kids

6. Not Much Problems In Relationships , Easy-Going With People

7. Enjoying , The Way Life Is

that's how i roughly want life to go , but point number 1 is currently missing , point number 2 also . point number 3 is there , but i need to make wiser moves , i know my mum wants to see me grow up and do well , need some straightening of thoughts there . point number 4 is low , but of course there's linesh , rudi and these kinda epic people , who makes you feel you own the world . point number 5 is under construction , i need this , because that's how i planned my life . point number 6 , hah i guess it's just not there with some people ?

i'm missing something , for a long time , and that is happiness . it has been absent for awhile , but i'm on the verge of finding it back , i believe . where on earth is it ? maybe i expect a lot , thus i'm not being able to enjoy /: and then there's discipline , i really need it , it has never been with me ever since , 10 years old ? i think i'm a 'lil more mischief in character , but i can control when needed , it's just that small part of me , being the opposition . i need to acquire these 2 first , and a lot more others , before point number 7 comes in . my past life used to have all these , but it was a bad life , and now that i found good company , why can't i make the best out of it and be even better ?

tuesday was awesome , trevor tuition in the morning , then benji's place with jerald from 245pm till 8pm , study before a super tough time on the xbox . dinner was good , now , i'm still trying to conquer my psp , i can't clear the NSF thing ! /: sportsmania tomorrow , can't wait (: and err gugan , i love you :P

- friends go a long way